Slate has published the hilarious Dan Brown Sequel Generator.
Dr. Swift's effort follows:
The Last Crypt
When renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Pere Lachaise Cemetery to analyze a mysterious rune—etched into the floor next to the mangled body of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Quintifori, a secret branch of the New York Times that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.
Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Quintifori appears at the Sacred Heart Church to deliver a sinister ultimatum: Turn over the archbishop, or one cherub will disappear from the Sistine Chapel every day. Racing against the clock, Langdon joins forces with the saucy and quick-witted daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.
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